The unclean end of the sentence

Just to warn any manly men who might be reading this... I'll be writing about girl stuff in here. You know, womanly things. Don't say I didn't warn you.

I wouldn't call it culture shock, since I knew it was coming. At least, I had some idea. Maybe it was culture confusion, or culture nervousness, or just good old culture "huh?!?!?" I'd heard stories and some general facts, but I was under the impression that it wouldn't really be a big deal. I felt like some crusader through Biblical times, checking and following and worrying and relenting. Which, all in all, is very unlike me.

I know that I wrote before about the concepts of being "clean" and "unclean." Toilet paper is not used because water is considered more clean or pure. Certain foods are prepared and sliced a certain way to retain their purity. And then there's the caste system, which I don't really want to get into. But then, there are women's issues. Specifically, I'm talking about monthly periods. Yes, I'm sorry to bring it up, but it's true.

I hadn't had to deal with this yet on the trip, but the issue arose just in time for the end of the Ganesh festival. My ai (host mother) had asked me to let her know when the issue came up, and as a dutiful guest, I did. She timidly informed me that I should take my breakfast in my room instead of in the kitchen, since my chair is directly next to one of their shrines. I am not to enter the room where the main Ganesh shrine is, and I am to take my (bucket) bath in a separate bathroom. There are three quasi-bathrooms, one containing the Indian toilet, another the shower room, and the last a Western toilet. Normally I shower in the shower room (surprise, surprise), but I am to bring the water into the Western bathroom and shower there. This all will only last for the five-day period of "uncleanliness," and then things are back to normal.

Right now, I'm thanking my lucky stars that this didn't happen earlier in my time with my host family. Living with them for around two months, I've grown to understand that certain things that are fairly offensive to me are simply how things are done in the more traditional families. I'd heard varying degrees of stories such as this from the other students on the trip, but I still felt like things were a little more rigid with my family than with the others. At first, I was hurt and annoyed, assuming that it was some sort of personal grudge against me and my dirty American-ness. But now, knowing how much affection my family has for me and how concerned they are about my well-being, I realized that it wasn't personal at all. I'm just a woman, and that has a different meaning here.

One of the other girls on our trip had a similar "cleanliness" experience, except she was just asked not to partake in the puja (prayers held during the Ganesh festival). She was upset about this menstrual discrimination, so she avoided the subject with her family and participated anyway. Even though this is tempting, I decided that it was better to just be up front and avoid the potential catastrophe if things went wrong. Sure, I'm outraged that women are persecuted for being women. But then I have to remind myself that they don't see it as persecution; it's religion.

I almost have to laugh when I think about how different things are for me back in the US. Instead of being seen as unclean and a contamination threat, my guy friends and male family members (love you, Dad and Harry!) proceed with extreme caution and care. I see my guy friends visibly wince and shrink away when such matters are discussed. It's awkward for them, which I can understand. But it's certainly not looked down upon.

I suppose it's also possible that I don't understand the exact web of religion and emotions that govern these traditions. I see this separation and religious practice as repressive and archaic. But then again, I'm not a traditional Hindu. Almost all of the other host families don't follow this tradition, and I understand that each family is different. I just happened to land with a devout family. As intimidating as it can be, I remind myself that at least I'm not getting a watered-down version of Hindu life. Also, I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't mention the Judeo-Christian historical issues with menstruation as well. It's mostly forgotten now, since none but the most traditional families still look to Leviticus for guidance on women's cleanliness. But if you look, it's still there.

But, back to the point. When my ai let me know what was to be followed, my first reaction was disbelief. How could my family, who I have grown close with, treat me in such a way? Did I do something to offend them? Was this a secret retribution for the attitude over here that all American women are without morals? And then immediately afterward we sat in the living room and talked about life, laughing about travel and sports and movies. My mind was reeling, wondering how the two extremes could exist with the same half-hour. It's the hardest thing that I've had to do here, especially since my entire project is studying women and the difficulties and discrimination that they face because of their gender. I'm going to allow myself to get indignant about it when I'm back in the US, but not before. I need to absorb here, trying my best not to compare the two cultures. That won't get me anything but trouble. So I'll take my bath and my breakfast at my desk, and I'll like it. That's just how it's going to be.

Love,
Sarah!